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Discussion Starter · #61 ·
My hipster hoglet,

Was pooping on the router a philosophical protest of our ever-connected lives, and a statement that we should unplug and spend quality time together over the holidays? I promise, all my nights are yours.

...but the router is not a litterbox.

No, really, it isn't.

In solidarity,
Your maid.
 

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Dear Mystical Being,

I wonder what you are thinking. Are you happy? Do you like the new food? I am sorry I havent been spending as much time with you. I will. I promise.

All my love
Mommy
 

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Dear Minnie Bean,
I bought you the fancy wheel. I took away the old wheel which was making SO MUCH NOISE it was about to drive your people insane. Could you please use the fancy wheel? For something other than wedging yourself under so you can nap in the litter pan?
-Thumb Creature
 

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Discussion Starter · #64 ·
My exuberant friend,

While I appreciate that you are sociable with house-guests, you don't need to demonstrate your manly prowess on the lap of every lady you meet. Your muscled marathoner's legs and your dense cover of healthy quills are more than sufficient, and will result in fewer awkward-hilarious moments as your new friends try to figure out if they should be complimented or embarrassed.

Spreading the tact,
Your human-hedgehog translator
 

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Dear Gertie,

I'm SORRY. I know I've neglected you for a couple of days, but it's not my fault that I got the flu. You won't play with me before 8:30 pm, and I couldn't stay up that late for you. And I know now I have to do my penance with you, but it would be splendid if you would stop popping when you're sitting on my belly. You're very pokey and I'm smooshy there.

Sincerely,

Your invalid hooman
 

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Discussion Starter · #67 ·
My scent-centric friend,

Just because I absent-mindedly tried on scented lotion while bored at the mall does not mean I'm going to eat you. I already washed my hands three times; won't you please figure out that my normal-smelling elbows are attached to my weird-smelling hands?

With wisps of wisteria,
Your contrite human
 

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Dear little camouflager,

you're salt and pepper colours are majestic compared to the beauty of the world, but I wish the carpet was a different colour so that you can't camouflage yourself and attack anyone else that comes near you. Why do you climb the sofa vertically - do you secretly dream that you are climbing Mt Everest?

Love, you're command human
 

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Dear Prim and Ivy,

Have you two switched bodies or something? Prim, you used to eat EVERYTHING I offered you, and several things I didn't (I hope you enjoyed the pizza btw).. and Ivy you turned your nose at EVERYTHING. Now Ivy is eating everything and Prim is being boring with her kibble. Seriously guys.. can't you just eat stuff like normal? It freaks me out when you do things differently

Sincerely,
Your mommy that doesn't like change. At all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #70 ·
My gorgeous lad,

How does it feel to be a model? You look stunning on my new spoon-holder, although I'm sure you wouldn't approve of most of the foodstuff being introduced to your glass doppelgänger.

Admiring you by the light of the stove,
Your personal chief
 

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Dear Girls,
Mommy got you ALL these cute new toys for play time and you both just go sleep in the box hut? I worked so hard to find all this stuff for y'all!

Sincerely,
We already had the box hut....
 

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Dear full bladder girl,

We love playing with you on the bed. You get so hyper running around and smelling everything. But when you came over and peed all over me and the comforter it was a yucky mess. Next time pee in your cage first.

-Changing my shirt
 

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To my pride and joy,

When I hold you, I cannot stop smiling. However, you have been less poopy then normal lately and I am worried. I would love a really big poop soon. Thanks!

Waiting Impatiently,
Mom
 

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Dear Gertimus,

I know you are a fearsome warrior. You don't have to prove it to me. You are the scariest, badassiest lady I know. So now tonight, when we have our playtime, you can stop with the scowling. I'm gonna pet you, so stop pretending you don't like it. And if you're nice, I'll let you play with my hair again.

Love,
Your fearful servant
 

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Dear Tiny Spike Ball,

Why must you continue to run on your wheel when your cage is 69 degrees due to a power outage and your belly is cool when I made a nice cozy sleep area for you with hand warmers under your liner to keep you comfy and warm.

I love you but your killing my back kneeling over your cage.

Love your exhausted and sore human.
 

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To my Lil Man,

I know you are probably unhappy right now, but I promise I woke you up for a good cause. Bringing you to work is the right thing to do, your cage was too cold! I will fix my windows soon. Now, sleep

Forever Yours,
Warm Human
 

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Discussion Starter · #78 ·
My distrustful friend,

I promise, that's your co-keeper. He just tried a new job today, and smells funny. I can smell the cleaning goop, too, but I promise you, he's still your co-keeper. And he has a mealworm.

Stop huffing, hiding, and trying to run away, and go eat your mealworm.

Use more than your nose,
Your omnipotent human
 

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Dear Mr. Huffs A Lot,

I don't understand why you act like you're mean before I pick you up. Your huffing and puffing is no use for this human that wants to give you snuggles! You love kisses on your forehead, you can't deny it.

Love,
Your loving mommy.
 

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Dear Cha-cha,

Two nights ago for the first time you cuddled right in my arm instead of on a fleece in my lap, but last night you acted like that never happened. However, you didn't realize that I took proof of the incident and if you continue to deny it I will show it to all my friends:



Sincerely,
The one you secretly admire
 
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