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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I lost my baby. She tried so hard to carry on but the last month was suffering for her.

She had a tumor which ballooned to a massive size. When I took her in to the specialist the first time, the tumor was manageable and not cancerous. But the surgery was 2200+ and I needed to wait a little to save some money. By the time I had it a couple of weeks later I tried to schedule another appointment and they pushed me two weeks out. Covid overwhelmed the local animal hospitals, for whatever reason. I’m in California too so hedgie specialists are rarer than usual. She stopped running on her wheel much. But she made a few efforts once or twice a week, she was a fighter.

As her condition degraded (she stopped eating but nonetheless looked at her bowl and moved food around often.. her poops turned to green mush.. her pee was green.. I moved over to feeding her with a syringe) I tried taking her to an emergency appointment at the only available place.

They gave her a hydration shot, special emergency food powder for syringe feeding instead of the kibble mush I had been using, and another checkup.. and what makes me so, so mad with myself and with those so called “specialists” is how nobody noticed that she had mites on her neck. I saw her scratching and looked for fleas and didn’t see any - gave her a couple of warm baths to see if it helped, it may have given temporary relief.. but I hate myself so much knowing that she was experiencing great itchy discomfort the last month of her life and I didn’t realize it or stop it. I didn’t know what to look for until I saw those tiny, tiny white insects crawling on her neck on her last day on earth.

I wish I’d spent more time with her during the days. I wish I could have given her more worms. She fought to stay alive until the end, and ran around all throughout her final day - panicking & trying to breathe.. I held her trying to calm her down, maybe I should have let her run.. I took her to the emergency room at the hospital where she was supposed to have her appointment the following day (the one we waited many long days for)… she passed away that morning at 1 AM on the way to get a catheter placed for euthanizatation after the doctor did an ultrasound and discovered her tumor had grown to a massive size.

I hate myself. I tried but I could have done better for her. I feel like I let her down as I watched her gasp her last breaths. Now I cry when I pass her cage.. I hear noises and still think she’s scurrying around until I remember.. I go from habit to check on her and remember.. it hurts very much. She was the only living creature to carry on with me through the quarantines and preceding years through thick and thin.
I feel like I let her down.
 

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Holly is a female African Pygmy Hedgehog. She weighs about 463g and was born May 28, 2019.
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Don't hate yourself!!!! You did not let her down, I am sure that you gave her a very enjoyable life. When one of our pets dies, we tend to beat ourselves up because we feel like we need an explanation or reason or way that we could have helped them live longer. The answer is, that death is a natural part of the life cycle. Your hedgie loved you very much and it is not your fault that you didn't see the mites. You did what was best for your hedgehog. You will be okay without her and can remember the good times and say goodbye to the bad times. Sometimes it is hard to move past this, but just take a few deep breaths and remember that you will see her again and that you can find joy in other animals and things. You can remember her fondly and know that you did the best job a hedgie owner can, even if you made mistakes along the way (we all do). You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you can love the life you have and that your hedgehog had. She still loves you, no matter what. Don't give up, I know it is hard right now, but you got this! It's okay to be upset, but don't let it get you down on yourself. You are still loved, don't hate yourself. <3 : )
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Don't hate yourself!!!! You did not let her down, I am sure that you gave her a very enjoyable life. When one of our pets dies, we tend to beat ourselves up because we feel like we need an explanation or reason or way that we could have helped them live longer. The answer is, that death is a natural part of the life cycle. Your hedgie loved you very much and it is not your fault that you didn't see the mites. You did what was best for your hedgehog. You will be okay without her and can remember the good times and say goodbye to the bad times. Sometimes it is hard to move past this, but just take a few deep breaths and remember that you will see her again and that you can find joy in other animals and things. You can remember her fondly and know that you did the best job a hedgie owner can, even if you made mistakes along the way (we all do). You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you can love the life you have and that your hedgehog had. She still loves you, no matter what. Don't give up, I know it is hard right now, but you got this! It's okay to be upset, but don't let it get you down on yourself. You are still loved, don't hate yourself. <3 : )
Thank you for your prayers. I will see her again, but I still feel like I made more mistakes and more neglect on some days than I should have. I wish desperately that I could bring her back. If only the doctors saw her earlier, if only I knew something was wrong earlier, if only I spotted the mites earlier, if only if only if only if only.. I pray that she is in God’s loving hands until I can embrace her again. I’m not good with loss, and she was there for me through times I needed company most over the last few years. I miss her deeply. I love her so much. I will try to hold onto the positive memories as much as I can as I muddle through the pain of losing my baby.
 

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Holly is a female African Pygmy Hedgehog. She weighs about 463g and was born May 28, 2019.
Joined
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507 Posts
We all feel this way sometimes, I can definitely relate!! If onlys do not help, they just make us feel worse about it. Trust God, He's got this :) If you need anything, feel free to message me directly <3 Lots of love
 

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I lost my baby. She tried so hard to carry on but the last month was suffering for her.

She had a tumor which ballooned to a massive size. When I took her in to the specialist the first time, the tumor was manageable and not cancerous. But the surgery was 2200+ and I needed to wait a little to save some money. By the time I had it a couple of weeks later I tried to schedule another appointment and they pushed me two weeks out. Covid overwhelmed the local animal hospitals, for whatever reason. I’m in California too so hedgie specialists are rarer than usual. She stopped running on her wheel much. But she made a few efforts once or twice a week, she was a fighter.

As her condition degraded (she stopped eating but nonetheless looked at her bowl and moved food around often.. her poops turned to green mush.. her pee was green.. I moved over to feeding her with a syringe) I tried taking her to an emergency appointment at the only available place.

They gave her a hydration shot, special emergency food powder for syringe feeding instead of the kibble mush I had been using, and another checkup.. and what makes me so, so mad with myself and with those so called “specialists” is how nobody noticed that she had mites on her neck. I saw her scratching and looked for fleas and didn’t see any - gave her a couple of warm baths to see if it helped, it may have given temporary relief.. but I hate myself so much knowing that she was experiencing great itchy discomfort the last month of her life and I didn’t realize it or stop it. I didn’t know what to look for until I saw those tiny, tiny white insects crawling on her neck on her last day on earth.

I wish I’d spent more time with her during the days. I wish I could have given her more worms. She fought to stay alive until the end, and ran around all throughout her final day - panicking & trying to breathe.. I held her trying to calm her down, maybe I should have let her run.. I took her to the emergency room at the hospital where she was supposed to have her appointment the following day (the one we waited many long days for)… she passed away that morning at 1 AM on the way to get a catheter placed for euthanizatation after the doctor did an ultrasound and discovered her tumor had grown to a massive size.

I hate myself. I tried but I could have done better for her. I feel like I let her down as I watched her gasp her last breaths. Now I cry when I pass her cage.. I hear noises and still think she’s scurrying around until I remember.. I go from habit to check on her and remember.. it hurts very much. She was the only living creature to carry on with me through the quarantines and preceding years through thick and thin.
I feel like I let her down.
Honey, please don’t beat yourself up!! You did everything you could for your baby. I am new to the Hedgehog community, and I don’t know much. But I’ve had other animals, an English Bulldog that had a nasal tumor that was cancerous. We paid for chemo, and in the end, it didn’t do a darn thing for the tumor. I then felt like I had made miserable from chemo for my own selfish reasons, since it failed. I finally had to let my little buddy go when the tumor busted through his septum in the nose, and was blocking off all his airway. He seized 5 times in the 2 short minutes it took for the vet to call back. He couldn’t sleep, or should I say was scared to sleep, because he couldn’t breathe and he would chase a pillow around on the floor, just to keep himself awake. I would sleep on the couch and hang my hand over the couch and rub his back to let him know I was there, and occasionally I could get him to sleep for a few minutes at a time that way. He’s been gone for 4 years, and here I am, still on the couch sleeping. You will see your baby again one day. I’m sure she knows you did everything you could. And the mites… as tiny as they are, honey you couldn’t have noticed that, while she suffered from a tumor that had gotten massive and you couldn’t properly turn her over or inspect her because of comfort reasons. You did everything you could. Please remember that. I know I’m new to this, but I’m not new to the pain of loss. We always blame ourselves, thinking “what if”, “I could’ve done this”… but the most important thing to her was that YOU WERE THERE! My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have a new little guardian hedgy angel. ❤
 
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