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Hedgehogs do not leave much behind for us to hold onto.
If she's shed any quills, keep those.
Before you take her in to sleep, see if you can press her tiny paw-print into a bit of clay, or use ink to stamp a paw-print on paper.

Write out the stories of your good memories with her. Those will never be gone as long as you remember them.
 

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Discussion Starter #22
I have her quills and even her poo, which I know sounds uber crazy. I am going to buy clay tomorrow and I will make a necklace. She will always be on my chest close to my heart. :) That's an amazing idea.

I also wanted to ask if there is any way to put her into eternal sleep at home. I want her to lie on our bed, she loves it here :) I want to sing her a song and be holding and kissing her and just be myself around her. I won't be able to do that at doctor's office. Is there any way? I know this sounds crazy, but she hates it there, her health state always got worse after coming from vet's office. I want her to die here at her home surrounded by people that love her.
 

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I'm sorry, but...I'm going to be kind of blunt here.

Like you already said, the situation is about Pipka. Yes, it's about you too, but Pipka comes first. You're her owner, and you have a responsibility to her. I know it's hard. Trust me, I know, I had to do this myself two years & almost one month ago.

What's her quality of life right now? She's in pain - you can be sure of that. She's bleeding regularly, she's having trouble breathing, you're having to give her medicine regularly, which she doesn't like. It doesn't sound like she has great quality of life at all. You know you're going to lose her either way. What you do have a choice with is how she has to go. Either at home, suffering the rest of the way there, or in a vet's office, sleeping peacefully, sparing her further suffering.

I can't make you choose one thing or the other, but please, for Pipka's sake, try to think about it with her in mind first and foremost. Try to put your feelings aside and think about what's best for her. It's not going to be easy for you either way. You CAN make it easier for her. Please, do what you said you want to do - make this about Pipka, not about you. You can come later. She needs you now.

Edit: If you want, try asking the vet if they can do a home visit. I don't know that they would, but worth a try. My parents had a dog of theirs euthanized at home because he always got so frantic at the vet's.
 

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Discussion Starter #24
I was thinking about at home euthanasia kit, but nothing like that exists. I want her not to suffer any more. I already called the vet 4 times to leave the voice mail about euthanasia, but hung up. I am going to do this again and leave that voice mail. I do not want her to suffer any more. I can and will do it now. Thank you Kelsey.
 

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Discussion Starter #25
Depending on how she feels in the morning, I am either going to bring her in tomorrow or Saturday, no later. This is the toughest decision and phone call I have ever made. In the morning, I was coming to the doctor's office with hope and was leaving with despair. I know she lives in now and does not think about future and her present is not worth much at all. The best gift and love I can give her is to end her suffering.

When we first got her, she was very grumpy lil hedgie :) She hated being held or touched :) My fiance and I used to play with her every night. No matter how tired we were, we always took her from her cage and played with her, let her run around and explore her surroundings. She found her way to us, she did not his any more when we pick her up, I love to kiss her on her quills, her forehead and cheeks and also her little belly and paws. She is the cutest little thing out there. It's so cute you have to smile even when you have the crappiest day.

I am glad she came to our lives. Such a tiny little creature can change so much. I will miss not seeing her, not feeding her, not petting her, and not singing her my songs. She never told me to shut up :) I love her for that.

I am not sure if I will ever have another hedgie. I still have about 500 organic worms here, the whole bag of Spike's Premium Kibble, and 3 A/D Critical Care cans. I will probably donate them to the shelter or to someone who has the hedgie. If you live in Metro Vancouver area, please contact me.

Please keep my little girl in your thoughts and send her love. It's Valentine's Day and I am sorry I cannot give her a big hug as I used to or kiss her belly. But I am especially sorry I did not put her down earlier and what I am mostly sorry about is that surgery. What's done is done. She is the best and I will love her forever. She has a huge peace of my heart.
 

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You are being a good, kind, decent human being. If it is not going to be too depressing for you could you take a piece of the comforter from your bed when you go to the vet? You say she loves to lie on it, this might make her more comfortable. Perhaps a pillow case if that is too much.
The loss of a loved one, no matter how big or small is always hard. It will get better over time. Cry when you need to, but don't feel bad when you laugh and smile remembering her silly antics. Know that she is going to a place where there is no pain, no grief, only love and happiness.
I love the idea of a paw print!
I wish you well and I am sending hugs to you
 

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Think of putting her to sleep as the last act of love you can show her.

I am so sorry and I just hurt so much for both of you.

Know that you are both in my thoughts.

Hugs. How can something so quilly and huffy take up such a big part of your heart.

Donna
 

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A very smart person once told me...its better to put them to sleep an hour to early than to let them suffer a minute longer than necessary.

Please don't let her suffer any longer, the kindest and most selfless thing we can do for our pets is to not let them suffer no matter how much it hurts us.
 

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Discussion Starter #29
Thank you very much ladies. I am making sure she does not suffer. She did yesterday when we got back from the vet so I rushed there to grab her painkillers. She is pain free now and eats and looks much better. We are going to say goodbye tomorrow at 3 pm. I am bringing her favourite blanket, her fleece bag and her tiny lavender bag.

I have one more question - what happens after she is euthanised? Doctor will take her away? What happens to her body? Can I get her ashes? I want to leave her in her another sleeping bag, write letter to her and leave it in that bag and also put lavender inside. I want doctor to leave her in that bag and not take her away from there. Can I do that? Thank you for your answers and your support. I need it so much.
 

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When we had our cat cremated we had to pay extra to get him back, but it was worth every penny.
Our vet had a service that did the private cremation and they called when the ashes came back. I am glad we did it, it was over 20 years ago. I don't know what we would have done when we moved if we had buried him in the backyard.
Not sure about leaving her in the bag--the assistants should be able to help you. Our vet staff was so wonderful and caring about our cat all those years ago.

Be strong and be there for her.
Hugs
 
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Discussion Starter #31
I just called the vet office again and asked about getting her ashes back. It's possible. I am going to do it. It makes me feel less desperate and depressed. I am not sure how I will cope tomorrow, I have no idea. Good thing is my fiance is coming to Vancouver so I won't be as much alone, but tomorrow is going to be one of the worst days in my life. I am trying to prepare myself, but it's impossible. I am very glad though that I can keep her ashes and we can be together forever. I love her so much. I am not sure how to get back to life. I try but I haven't left my room in 2 days. I am not sure how I will finish school. But I truly do not care. I just want tomorrow to be over finally.
 

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Resuming normal activities and routines can be a way of managing grief, but if you find that you are truly unable to continue your studies, look into school policy on a Leave of Absence. I don't know where you're going to graduate school in Vancouver, but most of the universities have a version of Leave of Absence, putting your studies on hold for any reason (which you do not need to disclose) and resuming them later. You don't get your scholarship or research money during that time, but you also don't have that time count against your total permitted time to complete courses.
 

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I'm sorry but if you are having this much trouble dealing with this then having pets may not be a good thing for you. Pets have shorter life spans than we do so with any pet you have to deal with losing them at some point. If you are unable to continue with your life after then its not healthy to have pets.
 

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Discussion Starter #35
Yes, I do not want to have pets any more. Yes, I did go to the vet office yesterday to get her surgery. He told me there is not even slightest chance for her to survive. Today, I called another vet clinic in Burnaby, described the situation, their vet surgeon there told me it might be too late now as her tumour started bleeding. I was keeping her alive only to get that second opinion. I also rushed to the vet yesterday to grab her painkillers as I do not want her to be in pain at all.

Tomorrow at 3 pm we are going to put her to sleep. She is pain free, but this is super crappy life she lives right now. I hope this makes a bit more sense. I will be ok, it just takes time. She means a lot to me, she is not just a pet, she is my friend. She helped me tremendously and I hurt a lot now, but at the same time I am not out to lunch and I will get better. It feels lonely as it's hard to cope with this alone. I have truly no one to talk to and my friends do not understand. For them pets are pets and pets come and go. For me, it's totally different. I hope I make sense now. Thank you again for your support. For those who worry about my hedgie, she is pain free. I monitor her and based on her weight distribute painkillers each 5 hours based on what my vet recommended. Tomorrow she will earn her wings :)
 

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Discussion Starter #36
I am wearing two clay hearts I made yesterday. In one there is her paw imprint and in the other her quill. One more hour to go. Then she will be happy again.
 

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Discussion Starter #37
Pipka is now at better place. I held her the whole time, kept kissing and comforting her. She passed away quickly. I could not stop kissing her, it was very emotional for both me and my fiance. It was the first time somebody was there for me and was strong for me, as I dealt with this all by myself.

Surprisingly, that terrible feeling of fear went away. I was freaking out every day she might be in pain. Kept waking up to check on her at least 6 times per night. It felt great to have someone here, that cries with me and who feels close to how I feel. I feel empty and I cry at least twice per hour. I know it will get better and one fact that comforts me the most is that I will have her ashes soon. She will be with me forever.

I would like to thank all of you, who did my poll, answer my looong and many times annoying questions, who found time to reach out to me, to those who comforted me. I needed this so badly, needed someone to tell me - it's going to be fine. I thanked you so much in my mind. Each time I've read your reply, I thanked you out loud. This place became my energy charger, you girls kept me going, fighting, asking, demanding. I will be forever thankful.

This is my favourite song (
) and we felt asleep with Pipka together while listening to it yesterday. It's about a loss of pet, dog in this case. It makes me bawl my eyes out, but it helps at the same time. My little one is gone, but when I look around, I see her everywhere. Running in her wheel, peeing on my freshly washed blanket cover :)

I have her blue blanket and will keep it underneath of my pillow. She was very special and my fiance and I are not sure why we were so close to her, we both had another pets before, but this little critter was so special. We cried together today in the vet's office and I never saw him cry before. We wanted to keep her in our arms forever and we would, but the vet opened the door and took her away.

Thank you again everyone, without you I would not make it. Thank you so so so much. You helped me tremendously and this blog is my new favorite website. It helps to save lives. Not only those of the hedgies, but their owners's too.

<3

Martina
 

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I'm glad you're feeling a bit better! It's amazing how animals can touch our lives so much and have such a huge impact on us, but we wouldn't be the same without them.

Be at peace, Pipka, and watch over your mommy and daddy!
 
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