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Old 12-16-2016, 02:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Here I go again, and proof of hedgie heaven.

(I'm aware this isn't really fun, but I didn't know where else to put this.) After losing my Moyo, I was so devastated over how he died (I fought for months) and how I loved him so much. He was only 2 years old. I never thought I would get another hedgehog. I really didn't. I was hospitalized for PTSD/Major Depression the week after I lost him. Losing him was really the final nail in the coffin before I admitted myself; I was already having severe issues. I had a friend tell me that I just click with hedgehogs and if anyone should have hedgehogs, it is me. And I still just didn't want another one. Moyo was special. I only wanted birds (and don't get me wrong; I am bird crazy too), and I thought I was done with the spikeballs. He really was part of my everything and was healing when I began having symptoms in the first place.

Well, surprise. I changed my mind and I am pretty convinced Moyo's spirit nosed me into it. I did put myself on a waiting list in case I did change my mind, but multiple times I considered opting out. It has been 2 1/2 months since I lost him and it is exactly 2 years now since I got him. I was having a hard day and wanted to hold him so much. And it was the first time I was really able to feel sad, and just feel sad and not like the world ended when he died. It was healing for a moment, and then my flashbacks kicked in and I felt like I was overreacting and should be over it. I actually went downstairs in my office building to find a tool to harm myself to stop the flashbacks. I didn't find anything and called my boyfriend crying. I was even more upset since I had improved so much in the past 2 months and had not had an episode in awhile. I went back upstairs and was calm. I just let myself be sad for a moment, and then printed out his picture and pinned it to my cubicle.

I put my favorite quote about him on it. "If you tame me, then we shall need each other. To you, I will be unique in all the world. To me, you will be unique in all the world" from Le Petit Prince and "One only sees clearly with the heart. The essential is invisible to the eyes" also from Le Petit Prince (except I put that one in the original French).

I looked at my phone 5 seconds after putting him up in my cubicle and the breeder I am on the waiting list with posted something about 2 pinto faced babies being available to anyone on the waiting list. Of course, I immediately messaged her asking about availability. She messaged me back saying she would put my name down. It was the strangest moment. I felt like it was Moyo saying "I know you miss me, but here is someone who can make it easier." The timing was the strangest thing, and I don't believe for a second Moyo had no paw in it.

And just like that, I have no doubts that this is what I want. I'm actually excited. I know how to care for hedgies really well, though I will probably get an extra heat lamp, living in Chicago and all. I'm getting a little girl and her name will be Kuishi (which means 'live' in Swahili; Moyo's name means 'heart.').

It has been a hard two years, and that is why Moyo was so amazing to me. My mom had stage 3 cancer and her body was pretty much sabotaged from radiation so she is always in pain, my roommate attempted suicide, my dad abused my birds to the point one is badly plucking feathers (I have them back and they have bounded back to happiness), and my mental illnesses hit critical point. I'm really praying for 2017 to be better, and I think Kuishi coming home will be an amazing start. Her name means 'live' after all.
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Old 12-16-2016, 04:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I don't have pictures of Kuishi yet, and I probably won't for a few weeks. But I will post them when I have them.
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Old 12-19-2016, 12:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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im so sorry for your loss! i went and woke Wylie up to give him a little snuggle after reading this... i actually got my hedgehog to help with my own mental illness, having something to care for really helps me grow and heal. i cant imagine losing him. you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think! sending love to you and kuishi !!!!
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